I am glad to write to you again today. I have been
challenged and I have been encouraged since I started writing to you weekly.
For all these responses, I am grateful.
I am looking at something that is very personal and
controversial today. I remember the story of an old man who said, “I am
grateful to my wife, she has been my only companion in the journey of about 60
years. My parents journeyed with me to certain extent in life, my siblings were
with me till some point but the large chunk of my life has been spent with my
wife. My own children have also left me to start their families and the
genealogy continues.”
There is a song from the prominent Yoruba singer by Ebenezer
Obey, that says, “ohun ti obi lese, Iyawo o lese yen, ohun ti Iyawo lese obi
o le se yen” meaning what a wife can do parents cannot do it and what
parents can do, the wife cannot do it. With this, let’s read together parent
versus spouse.
Parents are those who biologically brought us into the
world. Parents are levelers, there is no man on earth who never had a parent:
either living or dead, either responsible or irresponsible. The child firstly
comes in touch with a nuclear family. The family determines the level of
affection of each child. As it is usually said, the girl child is attracted to
the father while the son loves the mother; however the reverse is the case in
some families. The child’s love for the parents remains till it is time to get
married.
Spouse is the person that boy or girl decides to marry as
maturity sets in for the child. The man is the usual initiator of the process
and when the lady agrees, at the point of marriage, they become spouses.
As it is known, the love of the child towards the parents
should be transferred to the spouse. The transfer might not be easy but it
should be learnt, cultivated and adopted. There should not be comparison
between the parent and the spouse. Your parents have their standard and you have
the opportunity of setting new standard for your children. You can adopt some
good policies of your parents and you can eschew the ones you do not like.
The final thing that must be realized is that you have
longer years to live with your spouse than your parents, so learn the ways of
your spouse and not judge him by the way of your parents. The crack-up that one
has with one’s spouse is more turbulent than the one with one’s parents but
when things finally settle, you will enjoy it. Your spouse will be with you for
the longer part of life than your parents. Keep it in mind that one’s parent
differs from one’s spouse.
May you enjoy your life with your parents and with your
spouse happily thereafter.
Cheers!
Best wishes this week.
