Parent vs Spouse

Hello friends,

I am glad to write to you again today. I have been challenged and I have been encouraged since I started writing to you weekly. For all these responses, I am grateful.

I am looking at something that is very personal and controversial today. I remember the story of an old man who said, “I am grateful to my wife, she has been my only companion in the journey of about 60 years. My parents journeyed with me to certain extent in life, my siblings were with me till some point but the large chunk of my life has been spent with my wife. My own children have also left me to start their families and the genealogy continues.”

There is a song from the prominent Yoruba singer by Ebenezer Obey, that says, “ohun ti obi lese, Iyawo o lese yen, ohun ti Iyawo lese obi o le se yen” meaning what a wife can do parents cannot do it and what parents can do, the wife cannot do it. With this, let’s read together parent versus spouse.

Parents are those who biologically brought us into the world. Parents are levelers, there is no man on earth who never had a parent: either living or dead, either responsible or irresponsible. The child firstly comes in touch with a nuclear family. The family determines the level of affection of each child. As it is usually said, the girl child is attracted to the father while the son loves the mother; however the reverse is the case in some families. The child’s love for the parents remains till it is time to get married.

Spouse is the person that boy or girl decides to marry as maturity sets in for the child. The man is the usual initiator of the process and when the lady agrees, at the point of marriage, they become spouses.

As it is known, the love of the child towards the parents should be transferred to the spouse. The transfer might not be easy but it should be learnt, cultivated and adopted.  There should not be comparison between the parent and the spouse. Your parents have their standard and you have the opportunity of setting new standard for your children. You can adopt some good policies of your parents and you can eschew the ones you do not like.

The final thing that must be realized is that you have longer years to live with your spouse than your parents, so learn the ways of your spouse and not judge him by the way of your parents. The crack-up that one has with one’s spouse is more turbulent than the one with one’s parents but when things finally settle, you will enjoy it. Your spouse will be with you for the longer part of life than your parents. Keep it in mind that one’s parent differs from one’s spouse.

May you enjoy your life with your parents and with your spouse happily thereafter.

Cheers!

Best wishes this week.